Tuesday 13 January 2015
Chloe & Lauren's 100wc - week 17...
Yesterday it was a dark and stormy day,we were playing catch outside on the street when suddenly a black cloud smeared across the sky. We were just about to throw the ball then a massive gust of wind swept it into the distance, and then we ran as fast as the wind that was hitting our face into the house. while we were running in the opposite direction a humongous flash shot into the thundercloud and the light was so bright, it started teaming down with rain the all of a sudden the whole world went completely….. BLACK....
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Hi Chloe and Lauren - well done for taking part in the challenge. There are lots of good things about your writing. You have good imaginative ideas and expressed them using great vocabulary. I like the phrase ' a black cloud smeared across the sky'.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you need to work on your punctuation as there are quite a few mistakes with this. You also need to check that each sentence makes sense and follows on from the previous one in a clear way. Always have a final read through to try and correct some of these mistakes.