I was being watched, i didnt dare to look around. I had known that i was being followed since i had passed the old cemetery i was sure i had seen a fleeting figure in between the dilapidated long forgotten grave stones, the sight chilled me to the bone. But i kept going. “Oh why oh why did i ignore them and come out after dark” he said as he heard a menacing crack. in a window he saw it, imagine a face that would kill you, a face that was worse than a devils and more hellish than anything he had ever seen before, that's when he did it- he ran for his life. It was gaining celestial body flashing in the pale moonlight , something hit him “goodbye world”. everything went black.
Thats really freaky!
ReplyDeleteThere is lots to like in this 100WC, Nathaniel: a spooky plot and some excellent vocabulary (dilapidated, menacing, celestial). I think you could now work on your sentence structure. Read it back to yourself and see/hear where the pauses naturally occur. These are the places you need to add commas or full stops.
ReplyDeleteBut well done on a very good effort :-)
Trish Burgess
Team 100WC
Lincolnshire, UK
AMAZING!!!!!
ReplyDelete